


words are all we have

by clockworkcheetah



Series: Of Fingertips and Ribcages [3]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Communication, Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, Neediness, Pararibulitis (Dirk Gently), Sensuality, Sharing Clothes, Watching Someone Sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26194780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockworkcheetah/pseuds/clockworkcheetah
Summary: Dirk sleeps for long periods after a case. Todd gets needy during these times.
Relationships: Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently
Series: Of Fingertips and Ribcages [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887031
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	words are all we have

**Author's Note:**

> this fic issssss pretty nonsensical in terms of plot. idk i had a hard time with it? its a little unfocused. aw well its bonus content  
> ive always liked the 'dirk recharges after a case' headcanon i might explore it more maybe have it be a bigger focus same with some of the other stuff that crops up in the fic ( i have a lot of hcs with these two losers)
> 
> title from overjoyed by bastille (does anyone else think bastilles music really suit brotzly? icarus is a p obvs choice but also flaws, joy and 4am fit them imo)

There's a thing about Dirk. A recurring trait that, whenever Dirk was done with a case, he will sleep off the remainder of the day. Todd- a natural worrier- use to get somewhat stressed out. But he didn't feel the Universe the same way Dirk did. Dirk gave vague explanations on what it felt like- a quiet hum, usually. But in the heat of a case it felt like a swarm of angry bees in his brain- especially if he puts it off. Being dragged around would exhaust anyone, and Dirk didn’t sleep much throughout the case, which also worried Todd. 

During a celebratory dinner (or lunch, or breakfast, depending) Dirk would start to flag after a couple hours, slouching heavily against Todd. Farah and Todd would bring him home. He usually makes it to his own bedroom, but sometimes he only makes it to the couch before he passes out. Before they were dating, Todd would just remove his shoes and jacket and throw a blanket onto him. But now, Todd strips Dirk down to his undershirt and boxers, whilst Dirk giggles drowsily, leaning his head against Todd's chest. He's out like a light, afterwards. Todd, throughout the day, finds himself constantly checking in on Dirk- he never changes, not even his position- but Todd likes to assure himself. At night, Todd joins him. Dirk doesn't so much stir when Todd crawls into bed, but he does let out a mumble when Todd kisses his hairline. 

Todd tries to avoid leaving the apartment during these periods. He spends the day either hanging out with Farah, or calling Amanda. If those options were unavailable, he just busies himself with chores around the apartment. The quiet makes him needy. So much so, that he sometimes- correction: always- steals one of Dirk's hoodies, whilst he occupies himself. After retrieving the clothing, Todd takes a moment to linger in Dirk's room. It's a feverish patchwork of nonsense to Todd, but there's probably method to the madness- it's clearly well-loved and personalised with trinkets that Dirk has collected or been gifted. And for all it is cluttered, Dirk clearly knows exactly where everything is. It's his space, so he can do whatever he wants. 

From the few context clues Dirk has given Todd over the past year and a half, this is the first time Dirk's ever really had a home- and in turn, a bedroom. Todd suspects it's his way of rebelling against the cold emptiness of Blackwing, or just so he can wake in colour, rather than black and white. These thoughts are starting to depress Todd, so he kisses Dirk's temple and leaves. 

The hoodie is old, but hasn't been worn much. It's cheap though- an early purchase of Dirk’s beginning days of freedom, so it's already fraying. Todd's been starting to corporate more form-fitting clothes into his life, much to Dirk's delight, but he likes wearing slightly oversized clothing, especially if it's Dirk's. 

It's late evening now, so Todd fixes a quick dinner. Whilst he eats, his mind drifts to his usual subject of thoughts- Dirk. 

Not any bad thoughts. Just- him. Them. Where they are. What they were. 

Todd has an idea of his own boundaries. But it's hard to gauge with Dirk sometimes. And Todd doesn't know much about his life. Dirk talks without saying anything. And Todd doesn't want to push him. 

What he does know is that he is both Dirk's first best friend and boyfriend. He's got at least six suitcases full of trauma, feels everything deeply and is hopelessly in love with him. 

He's also got a nice-on-the-eyes body and even nicer arms. But Todd's getting slightly off topic. 

Point is, he doesn't know Dirk. He's letting Todd take the reins in the relationship, but relationships go both ways and Todd isn't sure if he's made as much effort as he should be. He's had enough strung along relationships, and like in hell Dirk will be added to that pile. 

As Todd is placing his empty plate into the sink, he gets the tell-tale prickle of an attack. Before he can do anything, he collapses to the ground as he sees his legs have blades sticking out of them. The searing pain is unbearable, but Todd clenches his teeth to muffle his screaming. He manages to half twist his body and drag himself to the coffee table, where his medication is. His hands are shaking violently and his eyes are streaming, but he manages to swallow his pills. Gradually, the pain subsides and his breath steadies. Exhausted, he stays laying on the floor and shuts his eyes. 

He has no recollection of falling asleep, but when he comes around, he becomes faintly aware of something soft under his head and a slight weight on top of him. When he manages to open his eyes, he's greeted by Dirk's worried face. 

"Todd!" Dirk grimaces at himself, before lowering his voice. "How are you feeling?" 

"Been worse," Todd replies honestly. The weight on him is a thick blanket. "I didn't wake you, did I?" 

Dirk looks at Todd in disbelief. "You just had an attack and you're worried about me?" He looks upset. "You didn't wake me. But I woke up feeling like something was really, really wrong." 

"Uh... how long was I out?" 

"I found you twenty minutes ago," Dirk runs his hands through Todd's hair. It feels good. "I don't like knowing that I'm sleeping through your attacks." 

Sighing, Todd sits up from lying on Dirk's lap. He rolls his neck until it cracks. "Dirk, listen, that was the first attack I've had when you were, like, in a post-case sleep. You're usually a really light sleeper- you've woken from my attacks before." 

Todd throws the blanket over both their legs. "I'm gonna have this disease for the rest of my life- sometimes you're not gonna be there. And it's fine. I can call Farah, or we can bring Mona back from the Agency, so she can keep an eye out." 

Dirk doesn't seem completely reassured. He takes Todd's hand. 

"Dirk- I'm fine. I know how to handle it, ok?" Todd repeats softly. 

"I know you can- I'm never going to doubt that. I just... don't like it." 

"Join the club." 

They fall into quiet. Dirk absentmindedly plays with Todd's fingers. Todd lets him. He's always had a slight fixation with his hands. 

"I see you're wearing my hoodie." Dirk says, eventually. He sounds more relaxed. 

"There's an unspoken rule of dating, Dirk," Todd grins. "That I'm allowed to steal your clothes." 

"Oh? Just you, then? Or does nothing of yours fit me?" 

"No, it goes both ways. And- shut up! You're not that much taller than me." Todd then frowns. "Although, maybe don't wear my dress shirts. You'll probably like, hulk out of them." He thinks of Dirk in a tight shirt. His cheeks redden. "Actually... I'm not against that... I wouldn't complain if you wore them." 

Dirk catches on. He grins. "I'll _certainly_ think about it." 

Todd gives him a light shove, leaving Dirk giggling. He sighs fondly. 

"Do you want to take a shower? I think we both need one." He says. He still feels a little groggy. 

Dirk kisses Todd’s fingertips and nods. 

* * *

The heat of the water warms Todd to the bone. Dirk's embrace warms his heart. They shower pretty regularly together, but it's a near guarantee when Todd has an attack- he often feels rough and raw after. They have a loose system at this point, but they only vaguely follow. He kisses Dirk's shoulder scar and along his collarbone, until he reaches the hollow of his throat. His hands are everywhere- he just needs to feel him. Dirk is squirming in delight from the attention, but he gradually pulls back to reach for the shampoo. He lathers up his hands and gently massages Todd's scalp. Todd hums contently, enjoying the sensations of Dirk's fingers running through his hair. As always, when they shower together, Todd returns the favour. Dirk is a lot more responsive and reactive to the touch, than Todd is. He sags into the sensations, shivering in delight, as Todd kneads his fingers into Dirk's scalp, moaning softly. They wash the shampoo out, giggling bashfully and kissing each other's faces, as if they are high school sweethearts. 

Dirk uses the body wash next. He lathers up Todd's chest, gently pushing Todd up against the wall, so he has something to lean against. It's a well-worn path, as Dirk kisses down Todd's breastbone, trailing downwards. He spends a considerably longer time than usual on Todd's thighs and calves, causing his legs to tremble slightly. Dirk turns Todd around, so he can work on the back of his legs. Todd has no idea how Dirk knew that's where the attack hit, but he doesn't question it. 

"Hunch," Dirk says, as if Todd vocalised anything. "And, you know, you were walking fairly unsteady to the shower. It wasn't that hard-" 

"Yeah, alright, dude," Todd murmured, not wanting to break the quiet too much. "Stand up- I want to do you too." 

Dirk stands up slowly, kissing the small of Todd’s back and working up his spine. He’s already red and flush from the water. "Don't strain your legs." 

"Don't worry, they're feeling pretty good right now." 

They eventually drag themselves out of the shower. The lingering aches of the attack long gone, Todd feels good and refreshed. They dry each other off, and throw on their usual sleepwear- although Todd opts to keep the hoodie on. 

They're comfy and warm under the covers, and spend the remainder of the evening watching random shit on the internet. The laptop gets retired, because they find making out more interesting. Dirk is half on top of Todd, taking full advantage of the fact that Todd only bothered to zip the hoodie up halfway. Todd's letting out little pleasured noises and his hands have made their way under Dirk's Mexican Funeral shirt. He remembers his thoughts from earlier. 

"I'm thinking about sex." He blurts and immediately wants to kick himself. And people think Dirk's the one with no filter. Which is true, but Todd's horrendous as well. 

Dirk pulls back, alarmed. "Now?" 

"Oh, no. No, no! I'm just... it's- it's just, what about you? Like, what do you want from this?" Not exactly where or when Todd wanted to talk about this, but he's ripped the band-aid off now. 

"This relationship? You, obviously, Todd." 

Todd blushes. "Yeah, I've kind of already worked out you want me all the time," Still surprises him that somebody loves him that much. "But, like, we've... established what I want- and what I'm learning to like and enjoy. What about you? You've technically had way less sex than I have. I'm- I'm the one with the experience- and this sort of thing goes both ways." 

Dirk flops onto his back. "I don't know if I would call that ' _experience_ ', if I'm honest. You had a lot of sex... that usually involved you being drunk, detached and not actually enjoying yourself." 

"H-hey." It was true, but that stung. "I wasn't trying to... I don't know- talk down on you? If anything, I just don't want you doing the same shit I did. I don't want you to not enjoy it, yet never saying anything." 

Dirk exhales heavily. "I know. I didn't mean to say that. I can count on one hand the amount of experiences I've had- and they weren't all... great, in that idealistic way." 

"Dirk..." 

"Nothing bad!" Dirk hurriedly clarifies. "Similar to you, except less detached, drunk and not-not enjoying it, so not really like you, actually..." 

"Dirk." 

"It was just during a weird adjustment period in my life. Learning to people. All the bloody weird shit that comes from being a people. In society. With people. Very strange time for me." 

"After Blackwing?" Todd asks gently. 

"After Blackwing," Dirk confirms. "I went to England. I didn't just... adapt to going from near total isolation to suddenly being surrounded by crowds and crowds of people. I got this shoddy flat- even your old place at the Ridgely is a major improvement- and didn't leave. Covered up all the mirrors. Gradually, I got better at leaving the place and working out who I wanted to be." 

Todd was idly stroking his hand along Dirk's torso. It never really occurred to him that Dirk wasn't really _Dirk_ yet. He's just always been Dirk in his head. 

Dirk worries the bedsheets between his fingers. "After a couple of years, I went to University. It was good, I met people who helped me work myself out. I, uh... shacked up, so to speak, a couple times- just wanted to see what it was like. And maybe I should have waited. In hindsight, I definitely should've waited. I wasn't... the 'me' I wanted to be yet. But it was a grounding point of what I wanted- even if they were one-offs. But I got arrested, which put an inconvenient hold on everything..." 

"You... got arrested." Todd feels he should be more surprised by this. 

Dirk waves his hand dismissively. "Not relevant to the current story, Todd. Anyway, after I got out, I didn't really bother looking for anything sexual, it was hard to pursue, when nobody stays long enough for me to work it out- and I didn't want to have any one-night stands. That, I was certain about. But I met you. And the rest, as you'd say, is history." 

He stares at Todd, a little sheepish and uncomfortable. Todd blinks a few times. 

"To summarise," Dirk says, propping himself up onto his elbow, when Todd stretches the silence a little too long. "I didn’t know what I want, because I've never had the chance. But I'm learning with you. The things you're working out to like, Todd, are the same as mine." 

Todd is silent for a few moments more, then he leans forward and kisses Dirk softly on the lips. 

Dirk squeaks in surprise. "I'm not complaining- but... what was that for?" 

"Just... thanks for telling me that. And I'm sorry I put you on the spot there- I know you don't like to talk about your life." 

"I don't," Dirk admits. "But- I trust you. I like learning how to... people with you. And that means doing things you'd really rather not." 

"I like learning how to people with you, too." 

Dirk gives him a blissful smile. "Can we go back to what we were doing? I miss it terribly." 

Todd grins and pulls Dirk back down on top of him. 

**Author's Note:**

> that ending scene did not totally go the direction planned (hence me saying i had a hard time with this fic) i plan my stuff but sometimes i just roll with whatever comes to me in the moment im a lil mixed about it- i like what i wrote but its a touch disjointed and the endings a bit abrupt
> 
> next fic is the smut fic. its done and edited so itll probs be uploaded tomorrow or the day after depending


End file.
